There will be no Girl Friday tomorrow. My heart isn't in it.
My heart is broken, truth be told. I'm on vacation from work this week, and I've done little but wander the homeplace crying like a baby off and on for the past two days. I'm kinda drained.
My faithful companion, and loyal friend - Angus - has reached the end of his walk with me.
A couple of months ago, his health started to deteriorate due to age. It started as an occasional dragging of one back leg and had steadily progressed to severe lack of coordination for both back legs, complete lack of appetite, and general lack of ability to get around. On the occasions when he did manage to get up and about, the cataracts in his eyes were so advanced that he had to navigate the house and yard by memory more than anything else.
I made the remark in a post a couple of days ago to the effect that there are times when you have hard choices to make - and you have to make them. I made that choice this week. I had to come to grips with the fact that I was keeping him here for me, and not for him.
Angus was a loving member of our family. He never showed an aggressive tendancy toward any member of my family throughout his whole life. He was particularly fond of Bailey, as she was a constant source of tidbits to eat. She thought it was the funniest thing to toss him a french fry while he waited patiently for the treat that he knew would come eventually.
However, he was fiercely protective of us and distrustful of other people. A lot of elements went into that, but they aren't important now. Suffice to say that he was not a fan of the Vet's office, nor were they of him on the occasions when he had to go. Trust me, when a 100+ pound Rottweiller is upset - its not a happy place to be. The stress it would have put on him had I taken him to the Vet to say goodbye, was something that I couldn't do to him. Easier, perhaps, on me. Definitely harder on him. I owed him more than that.
As a result of my profession, of course, I have a built in work-around. So this morning in the comfort of familiar surroundings, his noble head on my lap as he had spent so many hours over many years, I gave him the peaceful end that he so richly earned. He's at rest in my backyard now, next to his buddy Gus, our Schnauzer who passed several years ago. They both would have liked that, I think.
I truly wish that I could wax more eloquent about his life and what he meant to us. He deserves that too. Probably doesn't mean as much to anyone beyond my family, of course, but still... Right now, though, I'm having trouble just seeing the computer screen through what's left of the tears, and all I can utter are uncreative variations on the word fuck.
Not gonna be around the blogosphere for a couple of days. Saturday Style and the Sunday Quote are in the queue for the weekend. See y'all in a bit.