Monday, September 17, 2012

You can't fix stupid.

One of the calls at work that I ran this summer, involved dealing with someone near the top of my "most stupid person of the year" list. Actually, it was two different people... but I didn't know this until later.

It was a bright, hot, Texas summer day. A resident in the city where I work was driving down her street with her kids in the car when she spied a bobcat kitten hunkered down by the curb along side the street.

"That's a bobcat," she thought to herself. "That's not right."

So, what does she do? Does she go on about her business leaving nature to itself? Does she call Animal Control and report the bobcat's location?

You might think so, but no. She did neither of the above. Don't forget, you're dealing with someone competing for the stupidest person of the year award here.

She stops her SUV in the middle of the street and takes off on foot chasing the young bobcat to and fro as it wildly tries to get away from her. She manages to corner it, and grabs it in her bare hands - thinking, of course, that the cute little kitten will be so grateful for her assistance that it will purr and nuzzle her cheek and Mother Gaia will smile down upon us all .....

It bit her multiple times on both hands and put some deep scratches all down one of her arms by the time she got close enough to fling it into the SUV, where it sat in the middle of the street with her kids still inside.

Luckily, the kitten was so freaked out that it immediately fled beneath the seats of the vehicle and away from the now screaming kiddos. Mrs. Dumbass then got back into her SUV, totally perplexed over why her demonstration of Nature-Love had gone completely tits-up. Maybe she should have "whispered" to it, like they do on the Nature Channels?

She got her brood, and the angry bobcat, home and parked the SUV in the garage. THEN she called us. When I arrived, it took me over half an hour crawling around in the 100+ degree garage before I could maneuver the bobcat into a position under the seats where I could get it out without damaging the car, the bobcat, or myself.

bobcat kitten

When we stood together in the driveway after all was said and done, the Lady asked me regarding her "capture" of the bobcat, "Was that a stupid thing to do?"

My reply: "Yeah. That was pretty stupid."

Then I got to tell her that, since she had managed to make the bobcat kitten bite her, I was required to euthanize the animal and send a specimen to Austin for rabies testing. That there would be no rehab/release for the orphaned kitten, since she chose to do something stupid instead of calling us to deal with it from the start.

The honorable mention for stupidest person surfaced several days later. It appears that another man had actually caught this very same kitten a couple of days earlier. He too was bitten during the event, and did not call us at all. Instead, he gave the kitten to some person that he didn't know - who then released the kitten along side a creek in the neighborhood. Then and only then, when it was impossible for us to do anything, did he decide to become worried about rabies and call our office in a panic.

I wish there was an uplifting end to this story, but there's not. It's truly a wonder that mankind doesn't just dissolve into a pool of it's own stupid.


Expatriate Owl said...

Now you've really got me curious!

I wonder what PETA's manual/handbook/field guide says about how to handle a situation like that?

Paladin said...

I've got a pretty good idea what they would suggest... I've had run-ins with the folks of PETA in the past. I always feel the need to take a shower after the encounters :)

Xmichra said...

serious dislike of this story.. more so that those idiots made it so you had to put down that bobcat... that is horrid. Honestly when that sort ofthing happens, there should be a reverse law in effect. It's beyond stupid what both of those people did, and that poor cat got the shit end of the stick because of it.
:( sorry about people Paladin. They suck.

Paladin said...

Xmichra - Yes, very often they do!