Monday, December 3, 2012

So... I apprehended a Carjacker

Man, you hear about this stuff on the news but you never really think it will happen to you. The following narrative is true. All suspects are presumed innocent, until proven guilty in a court of law....


Late one afternoon, a Woman and her Daughter were running errands in the town where I work. They needed to stop by their home so that the Daughter could pick something up. The Mother parked their extended cab truck in the middle of their residential street and the Daughter hopped out of the backseat, leaving her door open as she ran to the front door of the house.

As is often the case with most people, the Mother displayed ZERO situational awareness. I like to think she was lulled into complacency by the fact that she was in her own upscale neighborhood.... but I've seen the Smart Phone engrossed distracted Woman (or Man) so often everywhere that I'm probably giving her too much credit. In any case, she was totally oblivious to the fact that our Suspect was lurking behind one of the many other cars parked on the quiet street - just waiting for an opportunity to strike.

Seizing the opportunity, the Suspect circled around the back of the truck and leaped into the backseat through the open back door. The Mother was so startled by the intruder that she fled the vehicle and began to call for help. She left the keys in the ignition and the truck running. Had things gone differently, the next chapter in this tale would involve the Suspect driving away with the helpless Victim's truck....

 
Fortunately, the Suspect's getaway was severely hindered by the fact that she had no thumbs.

carjacker

Damn You, Non-Opposable Dewclaws!!


Upon my arrival on the scene, I was able to apprehend the German American Female before she could work out the finer details of shifting the truck into drive. I took her into custody without further incident and, after I traced her microchip and made contact with her owner, the Suspect was released to said owner after giving me her solemn oath to abandon her life of crime.

5 comments:

M. D. Jackson said...

Well, that gave me a good chuckle. Well done, Paladin.

Kal said...

You had me going right to the end. Brilliant. I hope that miscreant get's the jail time he deserves.

Paladin said...

I have to take my amusement when and where I can :)

Six said...

Cutest criminal I've ever seen. No judge or jury could possibly convict her!

kx59 said...

you so had me going there.
Great post Paladin.